Hi Ollie, you have some interesting descriptive ideas in this piece of writing. I like how you are experimenting with the use of simile. Try not to use too many in one paragraph. Now I would like to see you grouping your ideas more effectively. For example all of the descriptive sentences about Miss Reissmann's physical appearnace belong together however the suzuki swift and teaching information belong in a paragraph about her actions. Mrs P
Hi Ollie, you have some interesting descriptive ideas in this piece of writing. I like how you are experimenting with the use of simile. Try not to use too many in one paragraph. Now I would like to see you grouping your ideas more effectively. For example all of the descriptive sentences about Miss Reissmann's physical appearnace belong together however the suzuki swift and teaching information belong in a paragraph about her actions. Mrs P
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